19 May 2017
Whether you’ve been gifted them by unimaginative relatives or you were drunk on Amazon one night, chances are you’ve got at least one silly gadget in your kitchen designed for a very specific and obscure purpose. If you’re ashamed by your avocado slicer, your egg poaching cups or that blender you swore you would use to get healthy, don’t worry. Those frivolous purchases pale in comparison to some of the more ridiculous tools people think you actually need.
1. The Bacon Master
Want a nice, crispy piece of bacon but can’t be bothered to use the oven or a pan? Have no fear, the Bacon Master is here. It’s basically a toaster for bacon. Sounds totally necessary.
2. Tuna Press
We all love a delicious, protein-packed serving of canned tuna every now and then, but what about the impossible task of draining the liquid from the tin before eating it? Thanks to this wonderful utensil, you can now drain the water away without losing any of the tuna. Much like you’ve been doing with the lid of the tin your whole life.
3. Pizza Scissors
We all love a perfectly cut slice of pizza, but why use something silly like a knife when you can have this huge pair of scissors cluttering up your drawers?
4. Motorised Ice Cream Cone
If you love creamy, delicious ice cream but can’t stand the chore of licking, this is the item for you. Let the cone do the spinning while you lazily let your tongue hang out of your mouth!
5. The Frankformer
Are you struggling to get your kids to eat hot dogs? No? Oh. Well… Anyway, why not buy this useless tool that automatically cuts hot dogs to look vaguely humanoid?
6. iKettle 2.0
Possibly the stupidest thing on this list, this is a kettle that connects to your smartphone. So you can boil the kettle from an app. Who could possibly need this?
7. Crepe Maker
If you’re a fan of huge, unnecessary tat filling up your kitchen, and love to eat crepes more than once a year, you’ll love this. It’s basically a frying pan that only makes crepes, and it’s a lot messier than a frying pan. And it takes up more space. And it’s more expensive. And more complicated.
8. Egg Cuber
Are you sick of those boring old round eggs? Well, finally we have the answer. This handy little tool will shape your hard boiled eggs into much less appetising cube shapes. Just because.
9. Melon Peeler
If you’re a big fan of buying kitchen gadgets that make your friends wonder what the hell is wrong with you, this is the tool for you. It’s a large stick with two holes on each end. You can use it for removing the flesh of a melon from the rind, because that definitely can’t be done with literally any utensil in your kitchen.
10. Banana Slicer
There’s a couple of things wrong with this item. Firstly, bananas come in all shapes and sizes, so it might not even cut the banana you have. Secondly, JUST USE A KNIFE.
11. Hot Dog Maker
Ever since the dawn of time, man has struggled with the endless need to warm up hot dogs. Thanks to this handy gadget that will only take up half your kitchen, you can now have warm sausages in minutes. After all, it’s not like boiling a pot of water would be any easier, cheaper or more efficient.
12. Egg Cracker
If you’re sick of cracking eggs the old-fashioned way, welcome to the future. This awkwardly large and pointless gadget cracks eggs. Great.
13. The Pickle Picker
For years, humanity has struggled with the awkward task of getting pickles out of jars. You don’t want to get vinegar on your hands, after all. Yuck. Luckily, this utensil has prongs to make it easier to lift your gherkins out of their container. If only there were some other pronged item commonly found in almost every kitchen…
14. Corn Cobb’r Corn Kernel Remover
Have you ever been in this situation? You’ve cooked up some lovely, hot, steamy corn-on-the-cob, but – oh no! – you realise you don’t have a knife in your entire house. Rather than using your teeth to eat those juicy yellow kernels, simply grab your bulky and unnecessary Corn Cobb’r to remove the corn from your cob.
15. Breakfast Sandwich Maker
Do you eat an egg sandwich for breakfast every morning but hate the annoying cooking that comes with it? Luckily for you, this totally not ugly piece of kitchen kit will do all the work for you.
16. Asparagus Peeler
This fun little item laughs in the face of common sense. Despite it being completely unnecessary to peel asparagus, someone actually decided to sell a tool for doing exactly that. Not to mention, it’s literally just a regular vegetable peeler with an extra bit added to make sure you can’t possibly use it to peel other vegetables. Brilliant.