16 Stupid Kitchen Gadgets That Really Shouldn't Exist

19 May 2017

Whether you’ve been gifted them by unimaginative relatives or you were drunk on Amazon one night, chances are you’ve got at least one silly gadget in your kitchen designed for a very specific and obscure purpose. If you’re ashamed by your avocado slicer, your egg poaching cups or that blender you swore you would use to get healthy, don’t worry. Those frivolous purchases pale in comparison to some of the more ridiculous tools people think you actually need.

1. The Bacon Master

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It’s hard to think of something involving bacon being useless, but this is it. Image: Amazon

Want a nice, crispy piece of bacon but can’t be bothered to use the oven or a pan? Have no fear, the Bacon Master is here. It’s basically a toaster for bacon. Sounds totally necessary.

2. Tuna Press

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This thing is going to be smelly forever. Get used to stinky kitchen drawers. Image: Amazon

We all love a delicious, protein-packed serving of canned tuna every now and then, but what about the impossible task of draining the liquid from the tin before eating it? Thanks to this wonderful utensil, you can now drain the water away without losing any of the tuna. Much like you’ve been doing with the lid of the tin your whole life.

3. Pizza Scissors

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I don’t want my utensils judging me for what I consider to be a normal size for a slice of pizza. Image: Amazon

We all love a perfectly cut slice of pizza, but why use something silly like a knife when you can have this huge pair of scissors cluttering up your drawers?

4. Motorised Ice Cream Cone

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Because actually moving while you eat is for chumps. Image: perpetualkid

If you love creamy, delicious ice cream but can’t stand the chore of licking, this is the item for you. Let the cone do the spinning while you lazily let your tongue hang out of your mouth!

5. The Frankformer

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Your children can play with their food AND pretend they’re eating people. What’s not to love? Image: frankformers

Are you struggling to get your kids to eat hot dogs? No? Oh. Well… Anyway, why not buy this useless tool that automatically cuts hot dogs to look vaguely humanoid?

6. iKettle 2.0

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Technology has gone too far. Image: firebox

Possibly the stupidest thing on this list, this is a kettle that connects to your smartphone. So you can boil the kettle from an app. Who could possibly need this?

7. Crepe Maker

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“I’ll definitely use this after pancake day.” - Nobody. Image: Amazon

If you’re a fan of huge, unnecessary tat filling up your kitchen, and love to eat crepes more than once a year, you’ll love this. It’s basically a frying pan that only makes crepes, and it’s a lot messier than a frying pan. And it takes up more space. And it’s more expensive. And more complicated.

8. Egg Cuber

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Yum, delicious square eggs. Image: Amazon

Are you sick of those boring old round eggs? Well, finally we have the answer. This handy little tool will shape your hard boiled eggs into much less appetising cube shapes. Just because.

9. Melon Peeler

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What’s a spoon? Image: Amazon

If you’re a big fan of buying kitchen gadgets that make your friends wonder what the hell is wrong with you, this is the tool for you. It’s a large stick with two holes on each end. You can use it for removing the flesh of a melon from the rind, because that definitely can’t be done with literally any utensil in your kitchen.

10. Banana Slicer

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This thing must be a nightmare to wash up. Image: Amazon

There’s a couple of things wrong with this item. Firstly, bananas come in all shapes and sizes, so it might not even cut the banana you have. Secondly, JUST USE A KNIFE.

11. Hot Dog Maker

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It seemed like a good idea until we had to get a kitchen extension to fit it on the counter. Image: lidl

Ever since the dawn of time, man has struggled with the endless need to warm up hot dogs. Thanks to this handy gadget that will only take up half your kitchen, you can now have warm sausages in minutes. After all, it’s not like boiling a pot of water would be any easier, cheaper or more efficient.

12. Egg Cracker

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Whoever invented this has clearly never cracked an egg before. Image: Amazon

If you’re sick of cracking eggs the old-fashioned way, welcome to the future. This awkwardly large and pointless gadget cracks eggs. Great.

13. The Pickle Picker

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Finally, an answer to history’s oldest conundrum. Image: Amazon

For years, humanity has struggled with the awkward task of getting pickles out of jars. You don’t want to get vinegar on your hands, after all. Yuck. Luckily, this utensil has prongs to make it easier to lift your gherkins out of their container. If only there were some other pronged item commonly found in almost every kitchen…

14. Corn Cobb’r Corn Kernel Remover

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“Wait, you can get it already removed from the cob?” Image: Amazon

Have you ever been in this situation? You’ve cooked up some lovely, hot, steamy corn-on-the-cob, but – oh no! – you realise you don’t have a knife in your entire house. Rather than using your teeth to eat those juicy yellow kernels, simply grab your bulky and unnecessary Corn Cobb’r to remove the corn from your cob.

15. Breakfast Sandwich Maker

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Another one that must be really fun to clean afterwards. Image: Mailshop

Do you eat an egg sandwich for breakfast every morning but hate the annoying cooking that comes with it? Luckily for you, this totally not ugly piece of kitchen kit will do all the work for you.

16. Asparagus Peeler

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What did we ever do before this wonder gadget was created? Image: Amazon

This fun little item laughs in the face of common sense. Despite it being completely unnecessary to peel asparagus, someone actually decided to sell a tool for doing exactly that. Not to mention, it’s literally just a regular vegetable peeler with an extra bit added to make sure you can’t possibly use it to peel other vegetables. Brilliant.